This Ain't No Formula One

From "My Rides" published in the San Francisco Chronicle, June 22, 2008:

Our ride is a 1976 BMW 2002. It was raced at Altamont Motorsports Park last month in an event called the 24 Hours of LeMons. Brainchild of Emeryville automotive troublemaker extraordinaire Jay Lamm, the event is something I'd wanted to compete in since its debut last July. It's a weekend-long endurance race like the one it parodies, France's prestigious 24 Hours of LeMans.

That's about where the similarity ends. LeMons is a race for $500 cars. The challenge is to purchase and prepare a vehicle to flog mercilessly in wheel-to-wheel endurance racing for less than that amount. Excepting the mandated safety equipment (roll cage, fire suppression, harness, brakes, tires), the five Franklin limit is strictly enforced.

My daily driver is a 1972 BMW 2002, and in the Bay Area there is an enthusiastic community (read: cult) that surrounds these cars. After putting the word out to some of the more adventurous (read: unstable) folks in the scene, I was lucky enough to find six other people foolish enough to want to spend their time racing a $500 car. Thus, the Autobahn Society was born.

Our first step was to consume hoppy beverages and hatch a plan. Though I was initially looking for a modern, reliable, sensible car to race, team member Norm Walters made the point that most of us love the 2002s. Between the seven of us, we collectively own no less than sixteen of the things. Lightweight and nimble, a properly sorted 2002 is pure joy when driven hard, and we were all thrilled with the thought of actually racing in one. We drank some more beer and started our hunt. A few weeks later, we had our victim.

Ninety cars are selected to run the 24 Hours of LeMons from hundreds of submissions, and even though our vintage car helped us gain some cred with the organizers, we still had to figure out a theme that would hook mischievous car fanatics. BMW has periodically commissioned contemporary artists to paint their factory cars over the years and Norm suggested that we should parody one of these creations. Our choice was a wild 1976 BMW 3.0 CSL race car painted by Frank Stella. We were instantly accepted. Game on.

With a combination of money made from selling parts off the car (rulebook legal), and with access to wholesale parts, ringer teammates Tom Jones of IPB Autosport in Sacramento and Sean Casey of Casey Motorsports in Petaluma spent several weekends transforming our sluggish basket case into something that would actually do a good impersonation of a race car. At the very least we wouldn't have to spend every moment on the track being terrified of the car falling apart. Car: $500. Peace of mind: Priceless.

Following the mechanical sorting we had a painting party at the Sacramento home where Norm and his wife Marion live. This is when our theme took flight on wings of masking tape and breezes of paint fumes: $140 in tape, $130 in spray paint, $100 in barbecue, $80 in beer and one weekend later our car looked like 500 bucks.

Team members Aashish Dalaal and Gerard Feregrino were our token mechanical engineers, and in addition to a crafting a roll cage that we were hoping to never have to test, they took on the task of our aerodynamic "enhancements." In an all-hands mad dash leading up to race weekend, teammate Evan Chong gathered together the rest of our safety equipment and set up mounting points for no less than six GoPro digital video cameras to document the shenanigans that awaited us. At 11:30 p.m. the night before the race, we were ready. For what, we had no idea.

The weekend of the 24 Hours of LeMons at Altamont this May was filled with both triumph and tragedy, and our team was lucky enough to take a big chunk of the former. Our Ride carried us to one of the most prestigious trophies in one of the least prestigious car racing events in the world, chiefly because we had one of the few cars that didn't break down. We'll be back for more glory in December to take on the 24 Hours of LeMons in Willows - an event aptly named "Hapless for the Holidays." If you've got $500 you'd rather not spend doing something smart, we just might see you there.